It still feels surreal to be a mom again. After being a foster mom to 3 amazing children, and all 3 reuniting with their biological families (over 50% do in LA County), there is an overwhelming sense of relief to know this time it is forever. A luxury I have not known until now.
My husband and I have been hoping and trying to add to our family for over 5 years. On our flight home to Los Angeles, I kept leaning over to my husband and saying, “We have a son.” I just stared at him for 4 hours, hard to believe we had what we had been believing for so long. An absolute dream come true. I had stared at him a lot during the 12 days leading up to our flight home, but this time without the fear or worry that I would have to give him back.
I have a son. His name is Rocco.
On the plane, I couldn’t help but think… now what?
After 5 years of medical tests, a myriad of paper work, social worker visits, home studies, scrapbooks, heartbreak, waiting for the phone to ring to say you have been chosen… now what?
My now what has been a bit chaotic. The first 2 weeks we were in another state, the next week we came home to extreme water damage to our house (including the nursery), and then last week Rocco was in the hospital for 4 days with an infection. So far, we are at 6 days with life being normal at home, minus the water damage.
In between sleeping at Children’s Hospital and finding a contractor to fix our house, I have kept myself busy. I have cared for Rocco, read 3 books, made laundry detergent, done extensive research on cloth diapering and formula, started a puzzle, made soup from scratch, built and launched a blog. If I lived during Jesus time, Martha would be my best friend.
It is challenging to transition into rest when you have been fighting for something for so long. Not that caring for a newborn is rest, but if you have battled like we have, midnight feeds are a reward. Like Martha, in Luke 10, I was distracted, filling my time with tasks. I have fought long and hard to be a mom. I don’t want to miss it.
I have to admit, I was anxious (not in a good way) to be on maternity leave. I have had a job since I was 13, and never taken more than 8 days off for vacation. 8 weeks seemed daunting. Now it feels too short.
So I have decided to change how I manage the now what.
Enjoy it. Every diaper change, feeding time, blow out, burp and snuggle. Savor it. Remember it. Take a picture of it. Thank God for it. Don’t miss it. (PS Rocco is sleeping while I write.)
I know God has called me to be more than a mom. I return to work in 3 weeks. Work that I absolutely love and have dedicated my life to. The tasks will be there, I don’t need to create work today. Today, I just need to enjoy the now what of being a mom and spending this time fully with my son.
Any moms have advice on how you made the most of your maternity leave? Please comment.